


Begin Again

by AnacondaGagaYonceYas



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel, The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Awkwardness, Confrontations, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, First Dates, Fluff, Getting to Know Each Other, Gyms, Hangover, History Jokes, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Meet-Cute, New York City, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, POV Frank Castle, Past Cheating, Past Relationship(s), Post-Divorce, Post-Divorce Trauma, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, bad ones
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:55:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,305
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23915674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnacondaGagaYonceYas/pseuds/AnacondaGagaYonceYas
Summary: After getting divorced, Frank is an emotional mess.He decides he needs to get his life together.Enter: Some really hot guy that always wears sunglasses and goes to his gym.
Relationships: Frank Castle/Matt Murdock
Comments: 22
Kudos: 83





	1. I'm Sorry

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Wait For Me](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5072347) by [Fearlesskiki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fearlesskiki/pseuds/Fearlesskiki). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y’all I am a SLUT for comments.

_12 months ago_

Frank just had a feeling something fishy was happening. Billy came home very late at night, went out every weekend, looked way too happy every night for someone who just had a long day at work, and Frank finally knew why: Billy had been having an affair with someone. 

He read through the text history between Billy and someone called Rawlins. The things they said to each other... he'd never even said anything nearly as sexy and dirty to him before.

And what hurt most was the fact Billy called Rawlins "baby". He thought "baby" was reserved for him, his husband... his aging, fat, depressed husband who'd gained like, a million pounds over the course of their marriage.

_Six months ago_

"I love you," he said, leaning against the wall, "but I just can't trust you".

"What do you mean?"

"Every time you pick up your phone or get a call or text, I think it's an affair. Every time you go outside, whether it's for work, for drinks with your friends, or even for fucking groceries, I think you're off to cheat on me. I keep and keep trying to tell myself 'Frank, he's not cheating on you anymore', but it just doesn't work. I still keep thinking you're having an affair."

"Please Frankie, we've made so much progress," Billy said, "we've been through so much therapy, a vacation, and I honestly thought for a second we were stronger than ever."

"For you, the past few months have been paradise" Frank replied, "for me, the past few months have been compromise and paranoia."

"So why did you never tell me?" Billy asked.

"Like I said, compromise," Frank answered, "the alternatives were to either get a divorce or have an affair. Divorce is expensive and I couldn't cheat on even you."

"I'm sorry, Frankie," Billy said, "I really am. Cheating on you was the biggest mistake of my life. I love you."

"I love you too, but I don't trust you," Frank replied, "and I can't decide if I'm sorry for that."

What followed was a long silence broken by the words "I want to get a divorce", spoken by Frank.

Realizing there was really no way to win, Billy backed down and said: "if that's what you want."

_Two weeks ago_

After he stepped on the treadmill at the gym after going alone and without being dragged by Karen for the first time in, well, forever, Frank started off slow. He looked around, feeling insecure. Other people were running at these breakneck speeds and lifting things that were half his weight, and he could barely jog. 

The insecurities were getting to him and he reached for the stop button, but then he noticed someone step on the treadmill next to him.

Someone really hot. He was wearing sunglasses indoors and feeling all over the control panel which was weird, but still. Hot.

He moved his hand off the stop button and instead just slowed down the treadmill a bit and turned his head to check him out. He was tall (though not as tall as him), skinny, and just... so hot. 

Frank decided he'd keep running because he 1.) Wanted to lose all the belly fat he'd gotten in his post-divorce depression and 2.) Wanted to have sex with hot people who looked like that again. 

As he was gaining new motivation to keep running (well, walking; he'd turned down the speed a lot) he almost didn't notice the man on the treadmill next to him turning his head. Luckily, he managed to look away just in time. Or so he thought because as he flashed him a look with his peripheral vision without turning his head, he noticed the man looking at him and smiling.

Fuck.

Feeling embarrassed, he got off the treadmill and made his way to the locker room, not knowing he was being followed.

_One week ago_

"You know, it's funny that we keep running into each other," Frank said as he snuck up on the Hot Gym Guy (that's what he'd been calling him. He'd been too scared to actually ask for his name) at the Library.

He turned around after gasping and said: "yeah, it is I guess."

“So, what are you doing here on a fine Saturday afternoon,” Frank asked.

“Getting a book. It’s a library, what do you think?” Hot Gym Guy replied, “speaking of, what are you doing here? You know it’s all braille at this library, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Frank replied, “I also know braille. Took it as an elective in college.”

“No shit!” Hot Gym Guy replied, “you don’t find many non-blind braille readers. Good on you!”

Frank noticed the book he was holding, "So, _Perks of Being a Wallflower_ eh?"

"Huh?" He said, before looking down at it, "oh yeah. I've been thinking about maybe reading a YA for a change. Or feeling I guess. I don’t know, whatever you’d consider braille to be"

" _T_ _he Perks of Being a Wallflower_ is the single greatest non-graphic novel of all time. Please, I am begging you. Read it," Frank pleaded with him.

"You've set my expectations extraordinarily high, sir," he said, as he made his way to the checkout counter, "if this book is anything short of great, I'll humiliate you somehow at the gym."

"I'm not worried," Frank said.

_One day ago_

"It's fucking beautiful," Hot Gym Guy exclaimed, sneaking up behind Frank at the locker room of the gym.

"What is?" Frank asked.

" _The Perks of Being a Wallflower_. The book. It's. Fucking, Beautiful."

"Told you it was," Frank replied.

Then as Hot Gym Guy started ranting about how much he loved the book, Frank started psyching himself up 

_Okay, Frank, you can do this. You can ask him out. Do you know his name? No. But regardless you can do this, just be like, 'hey, do you by any chance wanna have lunch tomorrow?' You. Can. DO THIS_.

When Hot Gym Guy stopped ranting, Frank finally said it: "Hey, do you by any chance wanna h...ear a corny history joke?"

_You dumb, stupid fucking bitch_

"Um, sure."

"What was France like before the Revolution?"

"What?"

"Brococo!"

Hot Gym Guy let out the biggest laugh he'd ever heard in response to that stupid fucking joke "I have no idea what that meant but it was funny as Hell still." 

"You know ‘cause they were broke... and rococo. Brococo!"

"That's so bad," Hot Gym Guy said, "I love it."

"Thanks," Frank replied.

"I have a question for you now," Hot Gym Guy said.

"What?"

"So, my friend, he told me about this soul food place in Harlem called Sylvia's, apparently it's really good. Wanna join me for lunch there tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"This is a good time to exchange contact information, isn't it?"

"Yeah, probably."

After they exchanged contact information and names, Frank gathered up the courage to ask: "so, it's a date?"

"I was hoping it was."

Frank let out the biggest grin as Matt said "3 PM, Sylvia's, tomorrow."

"Yep," Frank said.

_Today_

Frank stood outside Sylvia's. He'd been waiting for over 10 minutes and was getting scared he'd been stood up when he finally came, "Hey you made it!" Frank said.

"Well, I invited you in the first place," Matt replied, "shall we go in?"

Frank smiled and said "yes", following Matt into the restaurant.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you made it this far, it can’t be that bad right? A comment and a kudos?


	2. Lunch Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go on their official first date

“So if you don’t mind me asking,” Frank said, in between bites of his mac and cheese “how’d you become blind?”

“Toxic chemicals hit my eye as a result of a car crash,” Matt answered, “I wasn’t in the car -- a car just crashed into a truck carrying barrels of it and I just happened to be nearby.”

“Oh,” Frank replied, “I’m so sorry.”

“Don't be,” Matt replied, “you didn’t do it.”

“Right.”

“It’s cool though,” Matt said, “my other senses make up for it. You know how Daredevil can straight-up sense things being thrown at him and hear shit like heartbeats?”

“Yeah?”

“Some other blind guy taught me to do all that,” Matt replied, “also taught me to fight. I bet if we got in a fight right now, it’d end with you going to a hospital?”

“Really,” Frank said, amused, “wanna bet?”

“I would, but I’m a lawyer. Being a lawyer and having a criminal record doesn’t sound like a great combination.”

“I mean… could be cool. ‘Matt Murdock -- lawyer turned criminal turned lawyer.’”

“Doesn’t sound as great as ‘Matt Murdock -- Avocado at law’”.

“Sorry, what?”

“My partner once said ‘avocados’ instead of ‘abogados’ while drunk and it just kind of stuck. It’s been our little inside joke ever since.”

_ Partner, lawyer, ‘avocados in law’, Matt, Murdock…  _ “Quick question: Do you know Karen Page?”

“Yeah, she’s our secretary,” Matt answered, “why?”

“She’s one of my best friends,” Frank replied, “how the fuck did I not connect so many dots before this?”

“Really?” Matt said, “she never mentioned a ‘Frank’ in her life.”

“Guess she just keeps her work life and personal life separate.”

“She’s one of my best friends so I’m not too sure about that.”

“You really wanna start a debate on who Karen’s a better friend with?”

“No,” Matt said, “cause we both know the answer”.

“Me,” Frank said.

“Okay, whatever you say,” Matt replied.

After an awkward silence, Matt asked “you got another history joke by any chance? Shit was cute as fuck.”

“What was Henry VIII’s favorite Jordin Sparks song?” Frank started.

“Not a clue.”

“No heir!” Frank finished, complete with finger guns and that smile you give when you make a pun you just  _ know  _ is great but you’re trying hard not to laugh.

“I love it,” Matt said with a light chuckle, “hate him, but love the joke.”

“Let me guess,” Frank said, “Catholic pride?”

“What?” Matt replied, “no! He beheaded his wives after bullshit claims of adultery and blamed them for not producing male heirs.”

“Oh,” Frank said, “still think you’re lying.”

“I’m deadass not.”

“So what inspired you to go into law?” Frank asked.

“I wanted to help people,” Matt answered, “and I didn’t wanna become a social worker and I was always good at arguing.”

“I was always good at hitting,” Frank said, “maybe I should’ve gone into boxing instead of construction management.”

“Can I feel your face?” Matt asked.

“Sorry what?”

“Can I feel your face?” Matt repeated.

“Uh, sure,” Frank replied.

Matt proceeded to rub his right hand all over Frank’s face  _ soft. Smells good too. Gotta ask about moisturizer. _

He took his hand away and said, “got a pretty good look at ya. Good thing you didn’t go into boxing. Wouldn’t want that face to get ruined. Too pretty.”

Frank kind of just stared at him for a second, half-smile on his face and words refusing to come out. No one had ever said he had a pretty face before. Even though it was a blind man saying it, it surprisingly meant a lot. He tried to say “thanks”, but kind of got choked up and instead said, “... what moisturizer you use?”

_ Idiot. _

“None,” Matt answered, “it’s all-natural baby.”

“Really?” Frank replied, to which Matt nodded, “well, fuck you too then.”

“God said ‘feel bad for making you blind, here’s some great skin to make up for it’”, Matt said with a chuckle.

“I’d gladly give up my sight for skin like yours.”

“You’re a foreman,” Matt said, “just go to a construction site and let some dust or fumes or chemicals or something get in your eyes”.

“I’ll consider it.”

It took them an hour, but they finally managed to finish their food, pay, and get out of the restaurant.

As they were standing in front of the restaurant, Mat asked, “now what?”

“Well, Central Park isn’t way too far of a walk from here” Frank lied, it was quite a long walk actually, “wanna go and take a stroll there?”

“Sure,” Matt answered, and they headed in the direction of the park.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, comments and kudos are shit that I love.
> 
> Yeah I know, I sound thirsty af.


	3. Central Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to Central Park

“You know,” Matt said, “when you told me it wasn’t too far from Sylvia’s, I actually believed you.”

“Well, I guess we just have a different idea of far then,” Frank replied, “keep up altar boy.”

But truth be told, even Frank was tired at this point. He hadn’t been to Sylvia’s since his third date with Billy and he really forgot and underestimated the distance between the park and the restaurant.  _ Ah fuck.  _ Now he was thinking of Billy.  _ Ah FUCK. _

“You’re upset,” Matt said, bringing Frank back to Earth. He didn’t even realize he’d spaced out.

“What?” Frank replied, looking back at Matt.

“I sensed it, something was wrong,” Matt said, “come on, tell me now.”

“Well, um…” how do you just tell your date you’re thinking about your ex? “My feet hurt.”

“Want me to carry you?” Matt asked with a chuckle.

“Please, like you even could.”

Suddenly, he felt his feet coming off the ground, one hand on his back, and one hand on the back of his knees. “Oh shit, you can.”

“Feet still hurt?”

“Yeah,” Frank answered, “looks like you’re gonna have to carry me for a bit longer.”

“Anything for you cara mia,” Matt said.

“Cara mia, eh?” Frank said, “never been called that before.”

“It’s what you are,” Matt said. 

Frank looked ahead of them and said “ayy we’re finally here!”

“Want me to put you down?”

“Absolutely fucking not,” Frank replied.

“Okay cara mia,” Matt said, “which direction we heading in?”

“I don’t know. Surprise me.” 

As Matt started walking again, a comfortable silence set in between them. Unfortunately, that comfortable silence soon became uncomfortable because Frank remembered why he loved this place so much -- it’s where he and Billy had some of their biggest relationship moments. Billy proposed to him on a boat ride, their first date was a Shakespeare in the Park show of  _ Twelfth Night,  _ their first time having sex was in a bathroom at Bethesda Terrace, and their first kiss was under a stone arch in the park.

He started tearing up when he saw the Harlem Meer. He remembered the Winter day that he and Billy came here. It was so cold that the lake was frozen. Because he was an idiot, he decided it was a good idea to stand on the lake because he thought it was hard enough to support him.

It was not.

Almost immediately, he crashed through the ice, and it was the single most painful moment of his life. The cold water felt like thousands of needles stabbing him, and it weakened him to a point where he could barely keep himself afloat. He was still able to keep himself from sinking by holding onto some big rocks on the ground, but he wasn’t about to risk using those to pull himself back up. Luckily, Billy was right there to do it instead. 

After Billy pulled him out of the water, Frank kissed him desperately and told him “I love you” for the first time. That was the first time he’d ever told someone he loved them.

_ I’m not over him, am I? _

“What’s wrong?” Matt asked, very stern in tone, “And don’t lie to me this time.”

Frank looked at Matt’s face. It was serious, a big change from the lighthearted and carefree it had been for the past hour. 

“I need to go home,” Frank replied, “and I really can’t tell you why.”

“Okay,” Matt said, “I’ll walk you home?”

Frank took a long pause, then answered “no.”

“Oh,” Matt said, upset.

“I had a really nice time today, and I would absolutely love to go out again sometime, but I  _ really  _ have to go home right now.”

“Okay,” Matt said.

“I’ll call you,” Frank said.”

“Okay,” Matt said, finally putting him down.

“Bye,” Frank said, and he finally walked away and let the tears he’d been holding back fall. 

_ Everything’s coming up Francis. _


	4. Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He comes home and realizes, he might not be over Billy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone was actually waiting for this chapter, I'm sorry it took a while. Family emergency.

By the time he got home, Frank’s face was fully wet. His eyes were red, he was sniffing like he had a cold, and on the train ride over, he even cried out loud. Like a child. In public. Second most humiliating moment of his life. 

_ Come on Frank it has been MONTHS since your divorce! Get over it he’s not in your life anymore!  _

And yet, he was. 

He looked at his TV, remembering how they would watch Game of Thrones together every week. He looked at the couch, remembering all the naps they took on it. He looked at the windows, remembering the times they had sex pressed up against it for everyone to see. He looked at the stove, remembering how they would cook together. 

And then, he looked at the loveseat.

He was standing in front of it when he saw the text notification on Billy’s phone. “I’m near your house and hella horny. Wanna come? At Big Apple Ranch.”

He unlocked the phone and looked at the entire conversation between the two. So many dirty texts, so many romantic texts, so many nudes, so much meticulous planning for hookups and worst of all… so many “I love you”s and times they’d called each other baby.

Here Billy was with a husband that loved him more than anything and he was still in love with and fucking some other dude. 

He just collapsed on the loveseat and started silently crying. Luckily he managed to stop by the time Billy came back from taking out the trash. 

Frank couldn’t bear being home right now, so he left.  _ I need a walk. _

He didn’t really know where he was going. All he knew was he started walking downtown, taking in the city. So many theatres. So many people. 

So many couples. Happy ones.

He couldn’t bear to look at them, so then he started running. But he could still see them so like a dumbass, he closed his eyes and immediately ran into someone. He opened his eyes and saw Karen. 

“Frank what the fuck!” she exclaimed. Then she noticed his eyes. They were red from crying. As were his nostrils. “Frank, are you okay?” she asked, softly. 

Frank shook his head.

“Okay,” Karen said, “let’s get some ice cream”.

“So,” Karen said, sitting across from Frank at an Italian ice cream place, “Matt told me what happened. You ran off crying?”

“We were in Central Park,” Frank said softly with his head down, not looking in her eyes, “and things just… things just started reminding me of him. Billy.”

“Oh yeah,” Karen replied, “that was a bit of a special place for you guys wasn’t it?”

“I’ve been divorced for like, what? Six months,” Frank said, finally looking at her, “and I’ve been doing so good as of late. Not thinking about him. I finally go on a date where I feel great and actually like the guy and suddenly, I’m thinking about my ex?”

“You know Frank,” Karen said, “you never really worked through your issues.”

“We did tons of therapy.”

“No,” Karen replied, “after your divorce, you were devastated. All you did was work, eat, sleep, go to the gym when I dragged you, and had the occasional meaningless hook-up. We all kept trying to talk to you about your divorce and about Billy but you refused and said you were over him. But you never got over him. You suppressed your sadness and trauma and then you finally start to actually date again and where do you go? The place where you and he fell in love and got engaged and had your first date and had sex and everything. Why did you take someone to Central Park on your first date post-divorce anyways?”

“Honestly?” Frank replied, “now that I actually think about it, I think I was trying to replace Billy with someone. And I know that that’s not what I should be doing, especially with someone as amazing and great and sweet as Matt but… yeah. How’s Matt doing? I don’t suppose seeing your date running off crying is a great feeling.”

“He’s… confused, to say the least,” Karen answered, “kind of upset too. He’s waiting on a call from you.”

“Honestly, I don’t know if I can bear to call him right now. I don’t know if I can bear to call anyone right now. I need a drink,” Frank said as he got up from his seat.

“Frank, don’t even think about it,” Karen warned.

Frank stopped dead in his tracks and looked back at Karen who was still sitting, now with an intense and stern look on her face “I’m sorry” he said quietly and walked away, making his way to the nearest bar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It'd mean a lot if I got some comments and kudos here! Asking cause I'm a thirsty bitch lol.


	5. The Next Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Frank is hungover and meets an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter can you believe it.

The next morning, Frank wakes up on his couch with a pounding headache. The first thing he notices is the heat. He's hot as fuck, despite the fact he was in nothing but his boxers. The second thing he notices is the stench: vomit. And the third thing he notices is the time and that it's not actually morning. It's 2 pm.

He vaguely remembers running and crying last night and then bumping into Karen and then talking to her, but doesn't remember anything else. Although a bartender named Josie was coming to mind for some reason. He tries to remember more but... nothing. And so, he just gets up and makes his way to the bathroom, stumbling the entire time. 

After a long piss and brushing his teeth, he comes back out and notices his phone on the floor. He turns it on and sees drunk texts he sent last night to none other than Billy. 7 of them, actually. 

_Billy, I stilll mis youuuu_

_Come back homr wont yoi?_

_Billlllllyyyyyyyy_

_Please ill be better. Just tel me what I can do tp be bettet._

_I love you_

_Dont you love me tooo_

_Billi vanilli_

Needless to say, he was left on read. Probably for the best. _Stupid fucking idiot._

Frank didn't really get hangovers much. He was a great drinker. Matter of fact, this was probably the first time since college that he'd had one. So he wasn't really sure how to cope with it. So he just took two Advils. And then two Tylenol. Sadly, this only kind of improved his headache. So he decided he should go on a walk. Outside. In the crowded city of New York. _What's the worst that could happen?_

* * *

He quickly figured out the worst that could happen.   
  
Apparently, being hungover isn’t great for your motor skills. Matter of fact, it’s really bad. He had a few falls and bumps as proof. 

Second off, you’re alone. And apparently, being alone with your thoughts can lead to sad thoughts.   
  
He started thinking about those texts. He told Billy, who cheated on him and left him broken that he loved him and he wanted him back and that he'd change and be different as if it was all his fault. He never had any of those thoughts for the past few months. So why now? Was he subconsciously still in love with him? 

_No... no that’s crazy Frank. You don’t love him that bitch left you broken that’s crazy.  
_

And then he started thinking about all the things he never got to say to him that might be a factor in all this. 

And then he figured it out. 

_I need to tell him I feel before I can move_ on.

He then called him and asked to meet him cause it’s an emergency.

* * *

Frank was sitting alone at the same diner from last night, waiting for Billy, who still hadn’t shown up after 20 minutes _he’s not fucking coming is he?_

He got up to leave until he saw Billy come in, and then sat back down. 

The second Billy sat across from him, he said “you really fucking hurt me, you know? I thought I was over it, but I’m not. I am still an awkward, hurt, mess who’s traumatized from a breakup more than from war.”

“Frank, I-”, Billy started. 

But he was cut off by Frank, “I was honest to God thinking about kids. I was hoping to have kids with you and buy a home because I loved you so damn much. And then? Then you ruined it. Ruined it all.”

Silence. 

Frank continued, “now I’m trying to clean up the mess you made and even with everyone on my side I just _can’t_ do it because you left me _broken._ Not scarred or damaged. Broken.”

Still, silence. 

“I needed to see you because the last time we talked, all I did was cry. Not this time. This time you have to look a broken man in the eye. And I have to look at the man who ruined my life and my last date in the eye and tell him: I’m gonna get over you. I don’t know how or when, but I will. And I’m gonna be happy, married, with kids and a house, and you’ll be a sad man who’s all alone because he never managed to keep a good guy around long enough to settle down. You’re gonna think ‘how did I let someone like Frank down’ and I’ll be surrounded by my loving family and I’ll be thanking you because your actions lead to that. That’s what the future will look like in 30 years. My trauma will be gone, my pieces will be put back together, and I’ll be stronger than ever. And you’ll be lonely, bitter, and drunk. Now, I have a blind man to talk to so goodbye forever.”

Frank got up and left. The last time he did that, it was last night and he went to the bar. This time, he was headed to a small law firm 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know the drill. Comments and kudos please. 
> 
> Please. 
> 
> Hope y’all liked it.


End file.
